i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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