come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
