i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You can't special order awesome
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I need moral support for this bender
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm having to shit out rocks
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