i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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