Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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