yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
