it wasn't lemon gatorade
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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