Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
