yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
