1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
