You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
