12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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