this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
