Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
