i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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