Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
