We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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