Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Randomize
