Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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