I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
