Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
