I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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