i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
be right there i have to get my cape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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