trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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