yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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