So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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