i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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