I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
