So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
