This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
