I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
