thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
