I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
