After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
