So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
