We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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