I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
someone owes me an orgasm
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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