The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
