And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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