one two three fourrrrnication!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
