I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
