finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
wow bdsm is so cute
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
