I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
