O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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