I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
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i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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