remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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