All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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