my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
