First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
