Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
