We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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