have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
