it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
