It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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