Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
