you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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