U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
