There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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