Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
