well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
