The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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