I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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