I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
