Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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