shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I am available for nakedness
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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