rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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