We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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