i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
