It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
