A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
