oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
