It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
